Grindr
It is surprising how many BYU guys utilize Grindr on a daily basis . I was nervous to use it because I didn't know what I was going to find. There is a wide variety of BYU guys using it . Anything from the jocks to the music majors , to the engineers and the list goes on . A lot of guys are just horny college students looking to get some action . Some of them are "curious guys" who can't admit they like men. I have talked to a lot of guys through the app. Some that have caused a great impact on my life .
As I began using the app, I was just looking to be understood. I wanted to find someone in my same situation who I could vent to . I soon got disappointed with the wave of nude pics and "are you looking?" Messages. I was about to give up and deal with my problems a different way, when I found a guy in one of my classes who was using the app. I wasn't sure who he was but he would always be at a close distance according to the app when I went to class . We started talking and soon we began to use snapchat. I created a fake profile and wouldn't share our faces because I didn't want him to know who I was yet. I later found out who he was exactly . I was not prepared yet to tell him who I was . We continued to talk . He would tell me how he had a crush on this guy on his major. I would help him feel better about his sexuality and personal issues . Although I got to admit that he thought he didn't show much of himself but I saw right through him .
One day he asked me out on a date . I still was not sure if I wanted to give away my identity . As I struggle with myself and the honor code , I took a risk and went on a date with him . I got on his car and I can still remember those beautiful eyes looking at me with a sense of confusion , doubt, anger, tension and fear. We drove and we talked for a while until we ended up at the movie theater . During the movie he was a little bit cold . I could sense that he wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with this . His eyes would wonder back and forth and he keep moving his mouth and biting his lower lip . This guy who I will name Ty was and still is really insecure . That insecurity is masked by an over the top personality and overbearing fashion style.
After the movie we went for a drive and ended at the famous Y mountain on the east of campus . We talked about the most random stuff and listened to his weird Portuguese music. It was getting late and Ty look at me and asked "Now what?" I remembered looking at him as those hypnotizing penetrating eyes looked at me and I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't sure how he felt about me . Awkwardness filled my entire body and I grabbed his hand . I asked him how it made him feel. He didn't know. Nothing else happened that night . He let go of my hand and drove me home.
As awkward as that night was, he kept messaging me . That boy can complain. He constantly would tell me about the stuff he was going through. His dates with other guys . But he never had time for me . I liked him for a while and would feel jealous about him meeting other guys so I decided to stop talking to him. We didn't talk for a long time .
A couple of months later he talked to me again. He told me how he lost his virginity to a guy since we had last talked . He told me how he told his mother about being gay . He was feeling better about himself and more comfortable with who he was . I asked him on a date and he told me one of the most stupid things I have ever heard . He told me that the reason why he was awkward on our first date was because he doesn't like white guys. I wasn't hurt I was just surprised on how ignorant he was. I understand that people have preferences but I felt there was more to me than the color of my skin and ethnicity.
I still hear from him every once in a while . He is still messing around with guys and gets drunk and does a lot of things against the honor code but who am I to judge? We are all messed up and we are doing the best we can to go forth in our situations.
As I began using the app, I was just looking to be understood. I wanted to find someone in my same situation who I could vent to . I soon got disappointed with the wave of nude pics and "are you looking?" Messages. I was about to give up and deal with my problems a different way, when I found a guy in one of my classes who was using the app. I wasn't sure who he was but he would always be at a close distance according to the app when I went to class . We started talking and soon we began to use snapchat. I created a fake profile and wouldn't share our faces because I didn't want him to know who I was yet. I later found out who he was exactly . I was not prepared yet to tell him who I was . We continued to talk . He would tell me how he had a crush on this guy on his major. I would help him feel better about his sexuality and personal issues . Although I got to admit that he thought he didn't show much of himself but I saw right through him .
One day he asked me out on a date . I still was not sure if I wanted to give away my identity . As I struggle with myself and the honor code , I took a risk and went on a date with him . I got on his car and I can still remember those beautiful eyes looking at me with a sense of confusion , doubt, anger, tension and fear. We drove and we talked for a while until we ended up at the movie theater . During the movie he was a little bit cold . I could sense that he wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with this . His eyes would wonder back and forth and he keep moving his mouth and biting his lower lip . This guy who I will name Ty was and still is really insecure . That insecurity is masked by an over the top personality and overbearing fashion style.
After the movie we went for a drive and ended at the famous Y mountain on the east of campus . We talked about the most random stuff and listened to his weird Portuguese music. It was getting late and Ty look at me and asked "Now what?" I remembered looking at him as those hypnotizing penetrating eyes looked at me and I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't sure how he felt about me . Awkwardness filled my entire body and I grabbed his hand . I asked him how it made him feel. He didn't know. Nothing else happened that night . He let go of my hand and drove me home.
As awkward as that night was, he kept messaging me . That boy can complain. He constantly would tell me about the stuff he was going through. His dates with other guys . But he never had time for me . I liked him for a while and would feel jealous about him meeting other guys so I decided to stop talking to him. We didn't talk for a long time .
A couple of months later he talked to me again. He told me how he lost his virginity to a guy since we had last talked . He told me how he told his mother about being gay . He was feeling better about himself and more comfortable with who he was . I asked him on a date and he told me one of the most stupid things I have ever heard . He told me that the reason why he was awkward on our first date was because he doesn't like white guys. I wasn't hurt I was just surprised on how ignorant he was. I understand that people have preferences but I felt there was more to me than the color of my skin and ethnicity.
I still hear from him every once in a while . He is still messing around with guys and gets drunk and does a lot of things against the honor code but who am I to judge? We are all messed up and we are doing the best we can to go forth in our situations.
Comments
Post a Comment